#1 - MARTYRS
Stars - Morjana Alaoui, Mylène Jampanoï
Director - Pascal Laugier
Memorable Quote - ' It's so easy to create a victim, young lady, so easy.'
Review - Martyrs, like a few I've reviewed recently, is really two films masquerading as one. The first part is a horror/redemption story: haunted by the memory of her abduction and torture as a child, and by the girl she could not save, Lucie tracks down the family that did it to her and murders them all. While certainly containing a lot of gore, and holding some key horror elements, it is not really scary. It's clear even from the start that the 'demon' attacking Lucie is in her own mind, and the only emotion it evokes is pity as she is unable to refrain from hurting herself. Ana is a sympathetic character, both disgusted by Lucie's options but wanting to comfort Lucie herself, making her very believable. The second half of the film, unfortunately, is not as palatable as the first.
As Ana was captured I felt a sinking feeling; I could see there was a large amount of the film left, and I had a good idea of what was coming. At that point I did not want to watch any further. If I was watching it casually, and not intending to review, I would have turned it off. The hour of what I can only describe as torture porn is not pleasant at all, and quite frankly the entire concept is ridiculous. The message of the final scene is far too weak to outbalance the glee felt by her captors, and I cannot help but think that this is a film that would inspire copycats rather than deter them. Sometimes you have to draw a line between what is acceptable in film and what is not. In my personal opinion, this goes too far. I would give the first half 3/5, the second not even a 0/5. You will gain nothing by watching this, so I advise you not to.
#2 - PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES
Stars - Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Ian McShane, Geoffrey Rush, Kevin McNally, etc
Director - Rob Marshall
Memorable Quote - 'Did everyone see that? Because I will not be doing it again.'
Review - I'll say two things about this. First, I'm glad they've moved away from the Will/Elizabeth side of things, since the only way that would have taken the franchise would have been down. Second, I'm disappointed they cast Ian McShane, because the only way he's taken the franchise is down. I mean, really - Ian McShane?! I know he has a bigger profile in the US right now thanks to 'Deadwood' and all that, but... Ian McShane?! What were they thinking?! Cruz just about pulls it off and Depp is as fantastic as expected, but unfortunately the most interesting part of the movie was the preacher/mermaid subplot. Cameos from other familiar faces were there just to please those who've seen the other films, and I fear that this is yet another victim of the "fourth movie curse". Let's face it, it's not very hard to make a brilliant movie when you've got Johnny Depp playing one of his most likable characters ever. Someone, somewhere needs to wise up. 3/5
Alright, admit it, you only wanted to read this review for pictures of Johnny Depp, didn't you? Here you go then:
#3 - THE MATRIX
Stars - Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving
Director - Andy and Lana Wachowski
Memorable Quote - 'Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.'
Review - What an appropriate quote! And yes, it has taken me until the year 2011 to get round to watching The Matrix, and since I am almost certainly the only human being with eyes that had not seen it before now, I suppose this review is verging on being entirely pointless. Still, I would like to say that I enjoyed it, despite the fact that there were many plot holes that were actually created by things being taken out of the film (such as Cypher's ability to go into the matrix with no outside help, being explained by his programming skills), and despite the fact that everyone just looks so nineties. I'm not one to question Neo's tastes, but I suppose if Trinity was the one woman available to him then he sort of had to pretend to fall in love with her, really. That's the only explanation that makes sense to me. Still, can't help but cheer a bit at the end, and admire the bullet time sequences as truly visionary. The films that everyone has seen hold that status for a reason - as clearly demonstrated here. 4/5
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