The Sheepman, Constantine, Dinotopia

A strange Western, a strange theological drama, and a TV mini-series this time round.

#1 - THE SHEEPMAN

Stars - Glenn Ford, Shirley Mclaine, Leslie Neilson

Director - George Marshall

Memorable Quote - 'We gotta buy some cattle, Boss.'

Review - This is a bit of a funny little Western, taking on the usual theme of revenge and putting it into a different shape. The protagonist, Jason, rides into town intent on grazing his sheep on the nearby cattle lands, earning him a fair bit of attention. It might seem that this attention is bad for business, but, as we soon discover, that isn't his true purpose in town - he's after the Colonel, a big shot in town who knows something of Jason's past. There are rather a lot of long shots of sheep, perhaps too many for my liking, and a lot of lines delivered just to prove how clever and gutsy Jason is. I'm not sure about the ending scene, either, and how easily Dell acquiesces to his manly shoving about, but then it is a little tongue-in-cheek and it is set in a bygone era. All in all, entertaining enough for a lazy afternoon but not worth, say, buying the DVD. 3/5

#2 - CONSTANTINE

Stars - Keanu Reeves, Tilda Swinton, Rachel Weisz, Shia LeBeouf, Djimon Honsou

Director - Francis Lawrence

Memorable Quote - 'This is Constantine. John Constantine. Asshole.'

Review - Now, this has a very amusing script, and visually the cast were very well chosen. Reeves has just the right amount of brooding bad-ass in him to carry the role out, it's just a SHAME that he INSISTS on OVER-STRESSING most of the WORDS in his LINES. Ahem. Anyway, as I was saying, in terms of the picture it's very well done, particularly with the graphic effects and demons, and the androgynous Gabriel was a very nice touch, as was cutting off the wings - though I could not help but wonder how he/she was supposed to go about in human society with the stumps showing all the time, but whatever. The dark humour throughout was perfect, and gained many a chuckle from the people I watched this with (thereby proving it's not just me, y'see). I kind of get the feeling that I shouldn't like this movie, that it's maybe a little TOO Keanu, a little too try-hard, but I do like, so screw what I should do. Plus it makes me want to wear a swishy coat and come up with one-liners, which is never a bad thing. 4/5


#3 - Dinotopia

Stars - Wentworth Miller, Lee Evens, Katie Carr, Terry Jones, Tyron Leitso, Alice Krige

Director - Marco Brambilla

Memorable Quote - Carl: 'Something's making them panic.'
David: 'Something's making me panic!!'

Review - Now, according to IMDB, there are two TV series from the same time of the same name, with different actors. Confusion aside, this is the version I watched as a twelve-year-old, and so it's the version that I rewatched just recently. Being a dinosaur nerd of epic proportions, you can probably guess that some kind of hidden land where dinosaurs not only exist, but also interact peacefully with humans, is a bit of a dream for me. Perhaps that's why I liked, and still do like, this series. It certainly can't be the acting, since literally no one in this series is capable of doing that, except perhaps for Lee Evans - I am genuinely still skeptical as to whether he REALLY was the voice of Zippo, given how unlike his usual voice it sounds. The graphics are actually pretty damn good, on the plus side, and there were very few points where the dinosaurs or other animated elements seemed unrealistic. The script can perhaps be somewhat to blame for the acting quality, as it is truly abysmal (my favourite example: Marion - 'Over here! Over here!' Scout - 'I've found them, they're over there!' Marion - 'They've found us!') It must have had some sort of merit as a series though, given that James Cameron COMPLETELY RIPPED OFF the idea of the Skybacks/Pterandons and who can ride them and how they form mystical bonds for Avatar. Seriously, Cameron was so lazy. There are a large amount of plot holes and dubious elements to the storyline, and the ending is less than satisfactory in that we don't even know if they've decided to stay in Dinotopia or not, but perhaps they did that in order to encourage the purchase of a sequel. Um, anyway, I guess my point here is that this is kind of rubbish, but I like it anyway, in a 'hey look my childhood' kind of way. 3/5

Up in the Air, A Very Potter Sequel, The Proposal

Three very... different review this week. Variety is the spice of life.

#1 - UP IN THE AIR

Stars - George Clooney, Vera Farmiga, Anna Kendrick, J K Simmons

Director - Jason Reitman

Memorable Quote - 'Some animals were meant to carry each other, to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not swans. We are sharks.'

Review - This is a very touching movie, if only for the heartbreaking and also somewhat terrifying reality that it presents. The way his life is shown at first seems unreal - everything is too modern, too fast-moving, and it seems hard to believe that people really can live this way. But, of course, there are people who do fly around constantly for their jobs. There are people like Alex who have a family that they return to between each flight, and there are people like Ryan who hardly know their families at all. There are also people like Natalie who are too young to know enough to realise the repercussions of their actions, and who fall in love too easily. The point of showing you this man doing his talk about how everyone should be alone, a talk you will of course believe to be wrong, is that in the end he was right. If he had followed his philosophy instead of falling for Alex, he would never have minded the fact that he was on his own. Which is kind of a depressing point to make, really. 4/5

#2 - A VERY POTTER SEQUEL

Stars - Joe Walker, Jim Povolo, Darren Kriss, Bonnie Greusen, Lauren Lopez, Joe Moses, Brian Holden, Joey Richter, etc etc etc

Director - Matt Lang

Memorable Quote - See below

Review - Following on from my last post's review of A Very Potter Musical, if you loved that, you'll love this. Many of the cast members return, albeit some of them in different roles, and this is set in the first year of Hogwarts rather than the second, although it actually happens after the events of the last one because they've gone back in time... er. Of course this all makes for plenty of comic moments, and stand-out appearances include Jim Povolo (he of Goyle fame) as Firenze, he who was Cedric Diggory now becoming Lucius Malfoy, and of course Draco with his (her) ever-magnificent entrances. Joe Walker returns as Delores Umbridge, who is pretty damn scary, and there is a new appearance in the form of Brian Holden's Lupin. As before, my best moments:
1. Oh sh*t! You guys are kids! I've got to watch my damn mouth around you little bastards! I'm sorry. Shoot!. I've got to watch my damn mouth around you little bastards. (And the repetitions of this theme)
2. Did you get my text? ... Well you didn't text me back!
3. Lucius: You'll pay for this!
Snape: PUT IT ON MY TAB!
4.Snape: Why that's absurd!
Lupin: You're absurd!
Snape: What?! SAY THAT TO MY FACE!
Lupin: YOU'RE ABSURD!
Snape: THAT'S ABSURD!
5. What the devil is going on heeeere?
6. I… am a racist. I despise gingers, and mudbloods, I hate Gryffindor house, and my parents work for the man who killed your parents, do you want to be my friend?
7. You know, using the potty is a GREAT time to socialize! You just look over to the stall next to you, and you just have a right chat with your neighbor! 'Oh! Hello there! First time using the potty too, eh? Good luck, my man.
8. I drew a picture of you. Pay special attention to the shading on your sweater, it's... rather good. It´s.. quite good. You know... it´s probably the best I´ve ever
done. Actually... can I have that back? Wait... no... I´m TAKING IT! I´ve stolen your favorite drawing! Look, what do you think of this?
*rips drawing* *gasp* NO! Goyle paste it!
9. Lucius: 'She choreographed an affair behind my back with someone I trusted, someone I may have even loved…'
Harry: 'Ollivander?'
Hermione: 'Filch?'
Ron: 'Regulus Black, Sirius’ brother?'
Yaxley : 'Me?!'
10. Red Vines...What the hell can't they do?
Best songs were 'Hermione can't draw', its variant 'Lupin can't sing', and 'Guys Like Potter.' 4.5/5


#3 - The Proposal

Stars - Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, Betty White

Director - Anne Fletcher

Memorable Quote - Margaret: 'What am I allergic to?'
Andrew: 'Pine nuts, and the full spectrum of human emotion.'

Review - I'll admit it: having seen the trailer about fifteen thousand times, I expected this to be a loosely structured plot linking together the trailer gags with little else in the way of entertainment. I was pleasantly surprised. Although I did spend the entire movie thinking about how oddly shaped Reynolds' face is, I giggled quite a lot too. Of course this isn't a brain-stretcher, but the banter between the Reynolds/Bullock characters is very witty and the Gammy character is adorably funny. This is worth an evening in with a pizza and maybe even cake, for sure, as the entertainment value is high with little need to put much thought in. For a feel-good movie, as well, it actually manages to be quite convincing - the way they argue at the start, they could be lovers anyway, so the transition is easy to swallow. Best part was definitely the whole you're naked/you're wet exchange - total cringe. 3.5/5