From Hell, Planet Terror, The Ghost Writer

#1 - FROM HELL

Stars - Johnny Depp, Heather Graham, Ian Holm, Robbie Coltrane

Director - Albert Hughes, Allen Hughes

Memorable Quote - '"From Hell". Well at least they got the address right.'

Review - This is a rewatch, and quite an enjoyable one. A side-note here is that if you're ever in London with nothing planned, you should definitely check out one of the 'Jack the Ripper' walking tours, they are excellent. If you're lucky in your choice of guide, they are also hilarious. Then, when you've been on one of those, watch this movie, and it will all unfold like a prophetic vision! All of that aside, I don't think it's possible to find a bad Johnny Depp film these days, so you probably already know what kind of a verdict this will get from the cast list. It takes a neat twist on the tale by following the inspector rather than the Ripper himself, and while it does give an explanation we know that this is only conjecture. The rather romantic ending - with Kelley's disappearance rather than death - is, sadly, complete fabrication, though it does make a nice ending, doesn't it? And in the land of film, that's all that matters. Good effects, just enough gore, nice script and a beautifully created atmosphere: suitable for all fans of the murder mystery and/or Johnny Depp. 4/5

#2 - PLANET TERROR

Stars - Rose McGowan, Freddy Rodriguez, Josh Brolin, Marley Shelton, Bruce Willis, Naveen Andrews, Stacey Ferguson

Director - Robert Rodriguez,

Memorable Quote - 'It's go go, not cry cry.'

Review - First off, I haven't seen 'Death Proof' yet, which is why this is not a double review feature. Possibly some of the effect is lost when you don't see them together, but that's something I won't be able to comment on until a later date. Taking it as a film in it's own right, this is probably one for the nerds. If things like a 'missing reel' in the middle of the action, scratchy effects all over the screen, and distortion of the images sounds appealing to you, go watch this immediately, because you'll love it. It's funny, sometimes almost kitsch, and entertaining throughout. 'Ugly Betty' fans might be a little bemused by the appearance of sandwich guy Gio appearing as an epic badass who manages to achieve a kill count of at least fifty as well as impregnating a one-legged go-go dancer in one hit, though he takes to the role well; McGowan is edgily sympathetic, and Shelton can't help but make you think of Uma Thurman in 'Kill Bill'. With all the hallmarks of a Tarantino/Rodriguez flick, I think it's worth giving it a shot if you liked movies by either director in the past - it's unlikely to disappoint in the entertainmanet stakes. 4/5

#3 - THE GHOST WRITER

Stars - Ewan McGregor, Pierce Brosnan, Kim Cattrall, Olivia Williams

Director - Roman Polanski

Memorable Quote - 'If we meet any terrorists, I'll text you.'

Review - Why should you watch 'The Ghost Writer'? Ewan McGregor. The storyline probably won't do it for you. The script is quietly very witty, but that might not be enough to move you either. Pierce Brosnan has never, let's face it, been very good, and he plays the Prime Minister much like he would play, oh, say, a spy. That is, in a one-dimensional manner. Which is fine, because he isn't the focus of the storyline - McGregor is. You can't help but care about whether or not he's going to be pushed off a boat somewhere, and after a while you even forget that his American accent is not the most convincing of jobs (hell, it's better than Sean Bean's, and he plays Americans all the damn time). The directing is good, but so subtle that you might not notice how good; the locations are fantastic; the whole thing is doused in a kind of unease that is just right for a thriller. Either you'll leap right in and it will entertain you, or you'll sit back and it won't. You'll have to work for it, though - this isn't the kind of film that will grab you in, you have to make the first move. My advice? Make it, or you'll be wasting a couple of hours of your life. 2.5/5

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The King's Speech, Burn After Reading, Demolition Man

#1 - THE KING'S SPEECH

Stars - Colin Firth, Helena Bonham Carter, Geoffrey Rush

Director - Tom Hooper

Memorable Quote - 'In this grave hour fuck fuck fuck perhaps the most fateful in our history bugger shit shit.'

Review - Alright, i'll say this for it: there is a lot of good acting in 'The King's Speech'. Colin Firth really did put a lot of effort into it, and those in the know think he made a very accurate representation of the real king. Helena Bonham Carter manages to look and act like a real human being for once, and it is sort of amusing to think of the Queen being a young child with her father suddenly ruling the country. It's a history lesson for those who don't know much about the recent history of the monarchy, and education is never a bad thing. However, all of these good factors don't stop it from being mind-crushingly boring. To be honest I blame the subject: royalty or no royalty, it is essentially just the story of a man going to speech therapy to cure his stutter, and not in fact managing to completely rid himself of it. No battles, no wild love story, not even a conspiracy... It's more boring than that one about the actual Queen, and I can't even remember what happened in that. Good for him, he managed to say some stuff, but he can keep it all in his own private time, thanks. 3/5

#2 - BURN AFTER READING

Stars - Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich, Tilda Swinton, Richard Jenkins, J.K. Simmons

Director - Ethan Coen, Joel Coen

Memorable Quote - 'Appearances can be... deceptive.'

Review - There are many, many, many good things I can say about this movie. I love the script. I love the casting. I love the setting, the costumes, the camerawork. I love the plot. Just about the only thing I don't love about it is watching Brad Pitt get shot in his perfectly formed and hilariously dumb face, because it means he won't be making me laugh for the remaining time. His character is so fantastically silly that he's adorable, and it's particularly amusing to see a 'straight' actor making such a fool of himself on purpose. This is one of the best Clooney performances I've seen, and the same is true for at least half the cast. I actually can't think of anything I can truly criticise, which is why I chose to expand on my original three word review from a couple of years back. Every plot twist, though ridiculous when viewed without a backstory, makes perfect sense in context, creating a kind of beautiful madness that will probably have you sympathising with the authorities towards the end. If you have not seen this film, I only have one piece of advice for you: do so. Now. 5/5

#3 - DEMOLITION MAN

Stars - Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes, Sandra Bullock, Nigel Hawthorne

Director - Marco Brambilla

Memorable Quote - 'You're gonna regret this the rest of your life... both seconds of it.'

Review - 'Demolition Man' starts out hilariously. As Snipes and Stallone exchange words you can almost see the script passing across their eyes. Other supporting members are not much higher in the acting stakes, and what follows are some shots of parts of Stallone I have never wanted to see. Increasing the ickyness levels is the fact that certain parts of him have been smoothed out of the picture, turning him into some kind of genderless futuristic freakshow suspended in one of Lady Gaga's props. Or maybe she's in one of his, given the chronology. Anyway, bizarre attempts at futurising everything (swirly high five, anyone?) are humorous rather than convincing, and technology made up in the past never matches up to what we perceive now to be possible. It does improve as time goes on into an amusing tale of society adjusting to a man from the past, rather than a man adjusting to the future, which is interesting. As the times passes Stallone and Snipes seem to act better, though Snipes never loses the aura of a try-hard. The verbal morality fines continue to dominate the background enough that they actually feel like an in-joke, and that's probably the better-done element of the futurism. Special effects increase in quality, and the conclusion of their enmity is actually hilariously bloody. It's a good action romp, and worth a night in for sure. 3.5/5/5

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Taxi, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1

#1 - TAXI

Stars - Queen Latifah, Jimmy Fallon, Jennifer Esposito, Gisele Bündchen

Director - Tim Story

Memorable Quote - 'Every hero has a weakness. Superman has kryptonite. Indiana Jones has snakes. Whitney Houston has Bobby Brown... or vice-versa...'

Review - This film is a bit of a laugh. It's certainly not serious at all - more akin to NL's LW, below, than a real cop movie. There is a long-established trend of this kind of "wacky" humour, which does not mean it's good or mean that it's bad. Struggling, clumsy cop Fallon could not solve a crime if it fell on him, but when Queen Latifah lets him drive around in her taxi it all suddenly starts going fine for him. He's romantically interested in his superior, who apparently hates him, and he's after some sexy Portuguese bank robbers. If that's not enough wackiness for you, his mother is also a raging alcoholic who he still lives next door to. The acting is at the goofball level that you would expect, and the special effects are ridiculous, but the chase scenes are, I suppose, quite good. The concept itself is a little bit stupid and a whole lot random, but then this is a comedy. Average at best, it certainly won't be everyone's cup of tea. 2/5

#2 - FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF

Stars - Matthew Broderick, Allan Ruck, Mia Sara, Jeffrey Jones, Jennifer Grey

Director - John Hughes

Memorable Quote - 'Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.'

Review - There's a reason that Ferris Bueller has become a household name, the punchline of a thousand jokes, the pop culture reference on a thousand lips. That reason is the sheer quality of the film. Still funny after years have passed, it represents the ultimate fantasy of any high school kid - get out of school for a day and spend it having the most awesome adventures you can think off, all without ever getting caught or facing any consequences for your actions. A coming-of-age story as well as a comedy, it follows the irrepressible Ferris, his girlfriend who follows him devotedly, and his best friend whose family issues finally tip him over the edge. Ferris' sister is Baby from 'Dirty Dancing' (not just the same actress, actually the same character), and his principal is a lunatic obsessed with bringing him to justice. The entire film is enjoyable for the sheer factor of experiencing all those things along with them - all the things they get away with, and even some things that they don't. Ferris Bueller is a must-watch for every teenager, everyone in their twenties, everyone who has ever been to school... you can't possibly not enjoy it. 5/5

#3 - NATIONAL LAMPOON'S LOADED WEAPON 1

Stars - Samuel L Jackson, Emilio Estevez, Kathy Ireland, Tim Curry, William Shatner

Director - Gene Quintano

Memorable Quote - ' I guess we're making somebody nervous. But I'll tell you this: It's gonna take a helluva lot more than a couple of car bombs to get us off of this case.'

Review - This film is kind of crazy; but then I suppose you might have guessed that when you saw the first half of the title. It's nothing short of genius to see those who we usually think of as 'serious' actors parodying themselves and the roles of other A-Listers. Estevez and Jackson are brilliant throughout, portraying their characters just as they should, and allowing the humour to creep through in the jokes rather by giving a deliberately bad performance. From the opening scene, as Estevez stamps out a cigarette, followed by a cigar, followed by a pipe, you know the laughs are going to be as obvious as they are bizarre. Watching the background is often rewarding - you'll see an e-fit of Mr Potato Head being produced, followed by the arrest of a man with the exact same head. Though the twists and turns of the plot may be ridiculous, it's light hearted and funny, something that could cheer you up after a hard day's work of a Friday. 4/5

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Tamara Drewe, Brassed Off, Game of Thrones

#1 - TAMARA DREWE

Stars - Tamsin Greig, Gemma Arterton, Dominic Cooper, Luke Evans, Jessica Barden

Director - Stephen Frears

Memorable Quote - 'Why does the asshole always get the girl?'

Review - Tamara Drewe is a young journalist who, since leaving her sleepy hometown, has had a nose job and flourished into a new woman, much to the surprise of her former flame Andy, the philandering writer who turned her down, and all those who knew her. Negotiating a slippery slope between new toy Ben, whose good looks hide a selfish and childish personality, writer Nicholas whose wife is on her last straw, and gardening Andy who can't admit his real feelings for her. Arterton is a good actress but she seems only interested in ditzy or uninteresting roles, as here; Greig provides the strongest character, and in fact her plotline is far more interesting than the love triangle described above. As she tries hard not to break down in the wake of her husband's affairs, she eventually falls instead for an American writer staying at their writer's retreat - which happens to be one of the best money-making ideas I've heard in a while. The value in this film comes from the effort put in - making up songs for drummer Ben's band to play and sing in, performed well by Cooper with his heavily underlined eyes, is a clear example; the character of Jody, while a little melodramatic in terms of the script and plot, is nevertheless played well by Barden, and in all it's not too painful to watch. In parts you might even call it enjoyable. 3/5

#2 - BRASSED OFF

Stars - Pete Poselthwaite, Ewan McGregor, Tara Fitzgerald, Stephen Tompkinson

Director - Mark Herman

Memorable Quote - 'How the hell do you die happy?'

Review - 'Brassed Off' is a little dated in its feel, particularly given that it is rooted very firmly in a certain timescale. It certainly isn't the only movie made about the miner's strikes, and not the only one about a band, but probably the only one that combines the two. Poselthwaite is heartwarming as the ill old man who depends on the brass band to give him a reason to live, while his son's life falls apart. Tompkinson is not the best of actors, and even Ewan McGregor's shabby accent fades away now and then - it's like half of the cast keep forgetting they're supposed to be up North. The few political messages scattered clearly throughout the film are a little too obvious, though it does have its humorous moments and a few good lines. I suppose it was a creature of it's time, and although it has not lasted well, there are a lot of well-known English actors involved and it stands as a testament to the feeling at the time and the personal struggles of those going through redundancy. I won't bother watching it again, but it filled up a bit of time when nothing else was on television. 2.5/5

#3 - GAME OF THRONES SEASON 1

Stars - Sean Bean, Lena Headey, Emilia Clarke, Peter Dinklage, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Kit Harington, Mark Addy, Harry Lloyd

Director - Daniel Minahan et al

Memorable Quote - 'Winter is coming'

Review - I'm reviewing this television show mostly because I am a huge fan of the book series, and because, despite the fact that it finished a while ago now, it's still generating a lot of buzz. What was so great about it? Well, for a start, it managed to capture the epic feel of George R R Martin's fantasy world without drifting into the ridiculous, and sticks very closely to the books - even taking many lines directly from the book. The casting decisions made were excellent: Jaime, Ned, Tyrion, Cersei, Joffrey, Daenerys were all perfect. There were flaws with other characters: Catelyn was not the right look, neither was Sansa - they were supposed to both be very pretty and also resemble each other closely, hence why everyone seemed inexplicably to be in love with them. Renly, too, was neither handsome nor charming enough. It's also true that a lot of racy scenes were added just for viewer appeal, something that appears to be a trend in the US at the moment which I don't feel translates properly over here: it becomes a joke that everyone is walking around naked constantly, rather than something you can take seriously. I also don't think it was necessary. The drama of the story itself, the settings and the special effects, should have been enough to carry it through. Yes, there were some explicit scenes in the book, but I saw many more in the show. Also, some things could not possibly be represented, which is a shame - a lot of story arcs were longer and contained much internal torment in the book, which of course cannot be shown on the screen. Tyrion's stay in the sky cells is an excellent example of this. A good effort has been made to stay as faithful to the books as possible, however, which I applaud, as it would have been so easy to present a highly simplified version. It certainly isn't possible to show every single character just yet, as we've seen from the fact that Tommen appears to be invisible and Rickon only popped up when it became convenient. I eagerly await the second series - with the way events unfold in the books, if they carry on as they have, it should be something to really look forward to. 5/5

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