Alien, Black Death, A Very Potter Musical

A varied post, for sure.

#1 - ALIEN


Stars - Tom Skerrit, Sigourney Weaver, John Hurt, Ian Holm

Director - Ridley Scott

Memorable Quote - 'This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off.'

Review - Like many movies from the last couple of decades, this film was cutting-edge at the time and yet now looks slightly ridiculous. The little baby alien that can only move in one direction and can't bend its neck, the way the special effects look, it's all a bit antiquated these days - but I suppose that's just the curse of our technological advancements, and not something you can really judge the movie fairly on. The idea of the film is alright, I suppose, but nothing really any more exciting than other alien or invader themed-movies, and not really any more scary. There were some facepalm moments, like why on earth anyone would spend half an hour looking for a cat when they are being stalked by an alien that wants to eat them, but again that's a common factor in movies of this sort. Nothing special, really, then, and I don't really get the whole 'strong female' vibe everyone seems to get from Ripley - all she managed to do was save herself. 3/5

#2 - BLACK DEATH

Stars - Sean Bean, Eddie Redmayne, Carice Van Houten, Johnny Harris

Director - Christopher Smith

Memorable Quote - 'She was dead!'

Review - This is a nice little piece, although I think the director has a much higher opinion of it than I do, judging by the 'making of' featurette. It's a little bit like '13th Warrior' without the Antonio Banderas factor, a little bit like 'Priest' (the manga, not the film, adaptation buffs) but with less horror, and a little bit like 'The Village' but less... cool. It's not bad, not bad at all, don't get me wrong, but it isn't amazing either. Johnny Harris makes his second blog appearance in as many posts, he seems to be hot right now, and Sean Bean puts in another 'Lord of the Rings' style performance as usual. So long as they don't make him do an American accent, there's nothing wrong with that. Redmayne put in quite a memorable performance, I think, managing to stand out amongst more well-known actors as a strong lead. The torture scenes were nice and, erm, bloody, which is always... nice? Anyway, the story itself was good enough - not intellectually challenging, and completely predictable, but interesting enough to carry it through. And hey, even 'Sleepy Hollow' was predictable, so there's nothing wrong with that. All in all a good night in. 3.5/5

#3 - A Very Potter Musical

Stars - Joe Walker, Darren Kriss, Joey Richter, Bonnie Gruesen, Lauren Lopez, Joe Moses

Director - Matt Lang

Memorable Quote - See below

Review - Hmm, technically not a film, but something you can very easily find for yourself on youtube, or at http://www.teamstarkid.com/projects/a-very-potter-musical. This is basically hilarious, and well worth a watch if you know anything at all about Harry Potter. Potter is a douche, Ron eats snacks constantly, Hermione is the ugly duckling, Quirrel and Voldemort share a bromance... standout performances make this a parody that could stand alone as a work in its own right. There are just too many good bits for me to choose one single memorable quote, so enjoy this lists of my favourite bits (not necessarily in order):
1. 'What the devil is going on heeeere? Oooh, deja vu.'
2. 'Hey, you...'
3. 'I'm happy as a squrrrrrl, long as I'm with Mr Quirrrrrl.'
4. 'I command you to GET UP and FOLD THEM, at least.'
5. 'You can call me Voldemort. We've reached that point.'
6. 'For example: ten points from Gryffindor.'
7. 'You got me! You little shit! Oh, this is so embarrassing... This is the second time this has happened!'
8. 'I still don't believe you're back.'
9. 'You're right, I am a betrayer. I'm about to betray someone right... now!'
10. 'GOYLE RULES!'
And finally, best song? 'Baby you're not alone' and 'Voldemort is going down', jointly. 4/5

This Is England '86, Jesus' Son, Invictus

This week featuring a TV miniseries review as well as two films. Thanks to my 20th birthday presents there have been rewatches lately, and thanks to my loss of TV there are no free movies any more, but never fear - I am nothing if not resourceful when it comes to these matters. Hip hip hooray! Having said that though, I reviewed the first two things two weeks ago and only just got round to finding a third, so... well. Don't expect swift updates, is all.

#1 - THIS IS ENGLAND 86

Stars - Joseph Gilgun, Johnny Harris, Vicky McClure, Perry Fitzpatrick, Rosamund Hanson, Michael Socha, Thomas Turgoose

Director - Shane Meadows

Memorable Quote - 'We're not growing up, pal, we're growing sideways.'

Review - I don't usually review TV series, so you can probably begin to guess from that fact alone that I think very highly of This Is England 86. Following on three years from the movie, it is impeccably done with a wonderful cast. The stand-out star is Joe Gilgun, who many would recognise as Eli Dingle from Emmerdale, who needs only to stand in a room with a pet bird to cause me to crack up. Many of his scenes seem improvised, a fact which makes him even more impressive if I'm right. Once you've seen this you won't be able to stop thinking about it for a long time, and I highly recommend it. Despite the fact that it is at times a harrowing watch, it is perfect. The build-up of tension, the familiarity and empathy we feel towards the characters, their interactions... beautiful. I would say that the weak link in the chain is the actor playing Milky, who was not always convincing, but then having only one slightly weak character is pretty damn good for a TV show. The last episode in particular was so amazingly done - the build-up as Lol confronts her father and you wonder what she plans to do, then during the attack you're willing her to fight back, and of course afterwards Combo completely redeems himself for anything he may previously have done. Argh... I'm going to stop writing before this turns from a review into a fangirl essay. 5/5


#2 - JESUS' SON

Stars - Billy Crudup, Samantha Morton, Jack Black, various others

Director - Alison Maclean

Memorable Quote - 'There is a price to be paid for dreaming.'

Review - First of all, not being a junkie myself, I didn't really get most of the movie. I mean, I don't really know how it feels to be in that state of mind, so I can't tell whether FH really is one or is just under the influence the whole entire time. Anyway, quite an enjoyable movie with a style of narration that would still be considered cutting-edge if released today. I have to say it was quite disturbing to see this good-looking, not unreasonable young man sink deeper and deeper into the clutches of drugs and, well, weirdness, since despite his good looks he's not the type of person you would want to take home to your parents, or indeed home at all. It was not an unsympathetic movie, however - many times over we were made to feel sorry for certain incidents, such as the car crash and the death of McInnes, and most notably the handwritten note left by Michelle, which was probably the most emotional part of the entire film. Jack Black makes a worryingly good drug addict, whilst the other bit parts were all also compelling and believable. A good little film, really, considering how weird it all is. 4/5

#3 - INVICTUS


Stars - Morgan Freeman, Matt Damon

Director - Clint Eastwood

Memorable Quote - 'I thank whatever gods may be / For my unconquerable soul. / I am the master of my fate / I am the captain of my soul.'

Review - This is enjoyable just to see the level of acting that some people really can put in when they aren't typecast as idiots (*cough*MattDamon*cough*). However it has produced the downside that now, every time I think of Nelson Mandela, I get the mental image of Morgan Freeman instead. Still, this is worth a watch both as a mini history lesson and a moving piece about freedom and brotherhood. I think for me the best part of the film was seeing the little boy gradually being accepted by the police, until finally you see him wearing one of their hats - a small bit-character who does not even have a name, but instead represents a whole class of people: a nice touch, to see the continuity of the changing perceptions of South African people. Of course it was not as magic as that, but it is a nice metaphor. Also, I only got bored during the very final rugby match, and I dislike rugby, so that's an achievement. 4/5