The Sheepman, Constantine, Dinotopia

A strange Western, a strange theological drama, and a TV mini-series this time round.

#1 - THE SHEEPMAN

Stars - Glenn Ford, Shirley Mclaine, Leslie Neilson

Director - George Marshall

Memorable Quote - 'We gotta buy some cattle, Boss.'

Review - This is a bit of a funny little Western, taking on the usual theme of revenge and putting it into a different shape. The protagonist, Jason, rides into town intent on grazing his sheep on the nearby cattle lands, earning him a fair bit of attention. It might seem that this attention is bad for business, but, as we soon discover, that isn't his true purpose in town - he's after the Colonel, a big shot in town who knows something of Jason's past. There are rather a lot of long shots of sheep, perhaps too many for my liking, and a lot of lines delivered just to prove how clever and gutsy Jason is. I'm not sure about the ending scene, either, and how easily Dell acquiesces to his manly shoving about, but then it is a little tongue-in-cheek and it is set in a bygone era. All in all, entertaining enough for a lazy afternoon but not worth, say, buying the DVD. 3/5

#2 - CONSTANTINE

Stars - Keanu Reeves, Tilda Swinton, Rachel Weisz, Shia LeBeouf, Djimon Honsou

Director - Francis Lawrence

Memorable Quote - 'This is Constantine. John Constantine. Asshole.'

Review - Now, this has a very amusing script, and visually the cast were very well chosen. Reeves has just the right amount of brooding bad-ass in him to carry the role out, it's just a SHAME that he INSISTS on OVER-STRESSING most of the WORDS in his LINES. Ahem. Anyway, as I was saying, in terms of the picture it's very well done, particularly with the graphic effects and demons, and the androgynous Gabriel was a very nice touch, as was cutting off the wings - though I could not help but wonder how he/she was supposed to go about in human society with the stumps showing all the time, but whatever. The dark humour throughout was perfect, and gained many a chuckle from the people I watched this with (thereby proving it's not just me, y'see). I kind of get the feeling that I shouldn't like this movie, that it's maybe a little TOO Keanu, a little too try-hard, but I do like, so screw what I should do. Plus it makes me want to wear a swishy coat and come up with one-liners, which is never a bad thing. 4/5


#3 - Dinotopia

Stars - Wentworth Miller, Lee Evens, Katie Carr, Terry Jones, Tyron Leitso, Alice Krige

Director - Marco Brambilla

Memorable Quote - Carl: 'Something's making them panic.'
David: 'Something's making me panic!!'

Review - Now, according to IMDB, there are two TV series from the same time of the same name, with different actors. Confusion aside, this is the version I watched as a twelve-year-old, and so it's the version that I rewatched just recently. Being a dinosaur nerd of epic proportions, you can probably guess that some kind of hidden land where dinosaurs not only exist, but also interact peacefully with humans, is a bit of a dream for me. Perhaps that's why I liked, and still do like, this series. It certainly can't be the acting, since literally no one in this series is capable of doing that, except perhaps for Lee Evans - I am genuinely still skeptical as to whether he REALLY was the voice of Zippo, given how unlike his usual voice it sounds. The graphics are actually pretty damn good, on the plus side, and there were very few points where the dinosaurs or other animated elements seemed unrealistic. The script can perhaps be somewhat to blame for the acting quality, as it is truly abysmal (my favourite example: Marion - 'Over here! Over here!' Scout - 'I've found them, they're over there!' Marion - 'They've found us!') It must have had some sort of merit as a series though, given that James Cameron COMPLETELY RIPPED OFF the idea of the Skybacks/Pterandons and who can ride them and how they form mystical bonds for Avatar. Seriously, Cameron was so lazy. There are a large amount of plot holes and dubious elements to the storyline, and the ending is less than satisfactory in that we don't even know if they've decided to stay in Dinotopia or not, but perhaps they did that in order to encourage the purchase of a sequel. Um, anyway, I guess my point here is that this is kind of rubbish, but I like it anyway, in a 'hey look my childhood' kind of way. 3/5