#1 - CON AIR
Stars - Nicholas Cage, Steve Buscemi, John Cusack, John Malkovich, assorted others
Director - Simon West
Memorable Quote - 'What if I told you insane was working fifty hours a week in some office for fifty years at the end of which they tell you to piss off; ending up in some retirement village hoping to die before suffering the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet on time? Wouldn't you consider that to be insane?'
Review - 'Con Air' is one of those films whose name you hear a lot, but not necessarily in connection with either praise or mockery. It was without many preconceptions, then, that I started watching it - and I have to say, I enjoyed it. Nicholas Cage puts in a rare believable performance, picking a good script for once, and in fact he was probably the perfect person for the role. The casting department did well, actually, since Malkovich makes a good criminal mastermind; Buscemi gives arguably the most interesting performance as the supposedly dangerous criminal who actually does less damage than Cage's hero character, and you can't help but want to cheer when he appears in the final scene. Packed full of explosions, stunts, and one liners, it's a treat for any action fan, with just enough intelligence and humour to appeal to a wider audience. There were a number of goofs throughout the movie, and if you live in Las Vegas I imagine the entire climax scene will make you cringe, but I suppose you can't take it too seriously. The storyline is engaging, pushing you towards the end as you wonder how they can possibly resolve the situation without it all going horribly wrong. Cusack gives a good turn as the good cop, though exchanges with his superiors stray a little too close to farce; it also illustrates why he should never be an action hero, when you compare this movie to, say, 2012. Good effort all round; good enough for a night in with a DVD. 3.5/5
#2 - BANGKOK DANGEROUS
Stars - Pawalit Mongkolpisit, Premsinee Ratanasopha, Patharawarin Timku, Pisek Intrakanchit
Director - Oxide Pang Chun, Danny Pang
Memorable Quote - n/a
Review - This film has perhaps a strange premise even in the world of cinema: a deaf and mute hitman. I'm not entirely sure how he managed to survive, without being able to tell whether or not someone was sneaking up on him or indeed strolling around out of his line of sight, but apparently he does and for the sake of enjoying the film I'll accept that. The character of the low-class stripper was not one that I found very sympathetic - she seemed needy, dumb, and amoral, not really having any qualms about benefitting from murder. Plus, her make up was terrible. It's no wonder, really, that her boyfriend ended up dead - if it hadn't been this situation, there would have been another. The film follows the Eastern tradition of a great warrior overcoming insurmountable odds, as Kong takes down an entire warehouse of goons singlehandedly. The use of laser sights was ingenious, and leant a slice of reality to the scene. I didn't understand the necessity of the ending - after all, he could simply have allowed the bad guy to go to jail and never walk properly again - but it was particularly stupid of the love interest to try shouting at him. The shooting style (by which I mean cameras, not guns) was distinctive and bold, particularly during the rape scene, although I was not a fan of the presentation of the flashback to his childhood. All in all an enjoyable watch, but not for those who dislike violence or tragedy. I suppose now I'd better go see whether or not Nicholas Cage ruined the remake. 4/5
#3 - THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE
Stars - Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams, Ashlynn Yennie, Akihiro Kitamura
Director - Tom Six
Memorable Quote - 'What an insane world we live in.'
Review - Dear God. Whoever it was that allowed Tom Six to actually put this film out was clearly either a sycophant or a cretin. No, not because of the 'shocking' premise or the graphic details, but because this is a truly awful movie. The two females could not act if their lives depended on it, and they probably only got the part because they were the only people stupid enough to agree to shove their faces in someone else's bum for an entire movie. Their voices are annoying as hell and you actually begin to hope that someone will come along and horror movie them up, because at least then they wouldn't be talking any more. Unfortunately, after the 'operation' they continue to scream and whimper continually until the end, and I'm surprised the doctor didn't just kill them to get some peace and quiet. The token Japanese simply spouted stereotypical nonsense for his entire part, as if the script had been taken only from things said in anime, and he was clearly there for nothing more than to amuse the audience (which he failed to do). Dieter Laser, sadly for him, actually put in a really good performance, but it was completely wasted on this dross of a film. The plot repeated itself after the operation, as if Six wasn't really sure what else could happen and needed to fill in the time, and I felt as if I was watching the same scene over and over. The ending was dramatic but badly acted, and also strung out for too long. Six is clearly more interested in getting his name in the papers with shock value than actually being a film director or script writer. Really, if you haven't seen it already, don't bother. 1/5
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