In Bruges, Shutter Island, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Some hitmen and two crazies, today. with a clean sweep of 5s.

#1 - IN BRUGES

Stars - Colin Farrel, Ralph Fiennes, Brendon Gleeson, Clémence Poésy

Director - Martin McDonagh

Memorable Quote - 'Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn't, so it doesn't.'

Review - This film is fantastic both as a comedy and as an action/tension movie. Some moments are pure writing genius - the fat Americans, the dwarf who thinks Farrel doesn't know karate, the blinding with blanks, the fairytale comments - and, best of all, the repeated use of the 'little boy' sequence. All of the characters and their relationships are believable and executed with perfection. Kind of reminds me of RocknRolla, although of course this came first. There's really not a lot I can criticize about the entire thing, to be perfectly honest - it is enjoyable in every part, and you really get attached to the characters so that the final sequence is tense and emotional. A barrel of laughs, also. A very clear 5/5

#2 - SHUTTER ISLAND

Stars - Leonardo diCaprio, Mark Ruffalo, Ben Kingsley, Michelle Williams

Director - Martin Scorsese

Memorable Quote - 'Which would be worse, to live as a monster, or to die as a good man?'

Review - Goodness me - isn't it nice when hype surrounds something that is actually worthy of it? This is a nice little work from Scorsese. The storyline is well executed by the way in which it pulls you in and explains and re-explains itself. DiCaprio is, of course, excellent, a true representative of his form, and the supporting cast are also perfect, including the eerily calm Kingsley. The flashbacks sustain the suspense and keep the attention of the viewer with their mystery, particularly as they build up more details and add in other characters. This makes you the lead character instead of the audience, because you have to try and work out whose version of events is the truth. And the ending? Well, interestingly, the line listed above as the memorable quote was not taken from the book, and it is arguably the most important moment of the whole thing. From it, one could infer - and, though it is not my favourite ending, reluctantly, I must infer - that he has come to terms with his crime and rejected his delusion, but cannot bear to live with the memory any longer, and so he pretends to still be under the spell of his own delusion in order to secure the lobotomy. Definitely worth a rewatch in order to catch all the details. 5/5

#3 - ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST

Stars - Jack Nicholson, Danny DeVito, Louise Fletcher, Christopher Lloyd, Brad Dourif

Director - Milos Forman

Memorable Quote - 'What do you think you are, for Chrissake, crazy or somethin'? Well you're not! You're not! You're no crazier than the average asshole out walkin' around on the streets and that's it.'

Review - Aha, what a classic! Jack Nicholson didn't earn his reputation by taking rubbish roles and performing them badly. No, he got it with films like this one - a perfectly intriguing character play, with an underdog story, a social commentary, and a psychological exploration to boot. What more could you ask for? The plot is both heart warming and heart breaking, as we watch McMurphy come up stronger and stronger each time, cheering on his friends, climaxing in his almost-escape and the mental liberation of Billy Bibbit. Of course, then comes along Nurse Ratched to put the bars back across the window and across Billy, and his death combined with McMurphy's reduction to vegetable status is a double whammy that brings the movie away from the previous excellent humour to a cold, hard dose of reality. If anyone ever thought that treatment of mental patients in the past has been entirely fair and justified, there's this movie and the one above to prove them wrong. The highlight is probably the moment that they go out for a fishing trip, pretending to be professors, and also the moment that Chief first speaks. What a legend, Chief! Well, well. Something not easily forgotten once watched, that's for sure. 5/5

Sunset Boulevard, Lawman, Oklahoma

Three older movies at once, first.

#1 - SUNSET BOULEVARD

Stars - William Holden, Gloria Swanson, Erich von Stroheim, Nancy Olson, with cameos by other stars playing themselves

Director - Billy Wilder

Memorable Quote - Joe Gillis: 'You're Norma Desmond. You used to be in silent pictures. You used to be big.'
Norma Desmond: 'I am big. It's the pictures that got small.'

Review - A film actually starring Cecil B. DeMille? What a treat! This was a very brave film at the time, I think, although today we would be more accustomed to its message. A woman who was once a huge star of the silent movies now finds herself pushed aside as talkies take over, but is determined to write the script that will be her comeback. The catch? She's absolutely stark raving bonkers. The script is awful, as Joe Gillis finds out when he is hired to help her, and she is as possessive of him as she is of her butler - her former husband. When he sees another girl, she calls up that girl and warns her off. She gives her pet monkey a solemn burial ceremony. The climax comes when Joe finally snaps and decides to leave - and she shoots him three times, causing him to plunge into the swimming pool and meet a watery end. During the final scene, as she comes down the staircase to be arrested, the film reaches its artistic climax: everyone stands stock still watching her carry out her facade, until she passes by them, and then each of them turns and comes back to life. Actually worth a watch, even though it perhaps doesn't communicate to a modern audience as well as it once did. 3/5

#2 - LAWMAN

Stars - Burt Lancaster, Robert Ryan, Robert Duvall

Director - Michael Winner

Memorable Quote - 'I don't call the numbers, Ryan. I never drew first on a man in my life. That's the only way to stay clean - you play it by the rules. Without the rules, you're nothing!'

Review - Here's a Japanese movie poster! Know why? Because apparently not many people could be bothered to put stills from this movie online. I have to say it was a little bit forgettable - I only watched it last week and I had to look it up to remember what happened. That said, I think this has a very clear message. Jared Maddox, the central character, believes he plays by the rules, as he explains in the quote above. But the reply he receives when making the same statement to Laura Shelby gives the central point of the movie: 'Oh, the rules! I forgot the rules. You think they change the killing? Because you never draw on a man first, you think that really matters? Do you know what they call you, Jared? The widowmaker!' Rather than just focusing on the Wild West idea of gunfighters, this movie tries to bring our attention to the fact that if you live by the gun (or by violence in general), you will 'bury the cost'. An admirable attempt, but not one that made much of an impact. 3/5

#3 - OKLAHOMA

Stars - Gordon MacRae, Gloria Grahame, Gene Nelson, Shirley Jones, Rod Steiger

Director - Fred Zinneman

Memorable Quote - 'I wanted to marry her when I saw the moonlight shining on the barrel of her father's shotgun.'

Review - Oh, God. I never want to see this movie, ever again. Seriously. As if the incredibly irritating Annie wasn't bad enough (I actually screamed in frustration during her first awful song), then there's the weird dream sequence with the laughable backdrops and the hideously awkward dancing, the terrible fake accents they all use, the actually horrible story about a girl who almost gets kidnapped and then burned to death by a jealous suitor, and the ludicrously badly-matched couples (who believes that Will and Annie will actually manage to get married?). Curly, despite being the only remotely good character, has a ridiculous name and therefore I cannot bring myself to like him. Plus the idea that he would sell everything he owns to buy Laury's hamper, when all he had to do was say 'Hey Laury, I quite like you, why don't we get married and I'll keep my worldly possesions?' I am beginning to run out of synonyms for 'bad'. Let us never speak of this movie again. 1/5

Vinyan

Another as-I-watch review, part of the Frightfest season - here we go!

VINYAN

Stars - Emanuelle Beart, Rufus Sewell, Julie Dreyfuss

Director - Fabrice du Welz

Memorable Quote - 'It's not him.'

Review: The opening scene is unbelievably tense, but beautiful, and then it all breaks into that calmness: genius. However, I found it quite hard to understand from the outset - without subtitles, all those accents are quite challenging. Then in the taxi and the clubs, there's so much extra noise it's also hard to understand what they are saying. We are soon faced with a terrifying ladyboy who may very well be leading this couple to their death, but they follow him anyway... hmm. I think the stupidity factor is going to appear very quickly here. And good God, it soons becomes especially irritating that you just can't hear. Thankfully that issue clears up after a while, but when it does you soon begin to realise that everything has a very creepy undertone. The woman on the boat watches them suspiciously, then looks away and starts to cry out - what about? Their guide is brutally murdered by the ever so slightly amazing Mr Afro, aka Thaksin Gao. Children throwing stones are throwing them at a corpse. Beautiful floating lanterns symbolize angry, restless souls. The men are involved in the sex trade. It all builds up a picture that makes you wonder if this couple really know what they're letting themselves in for.

The journey on the boat, passing the forest, was well-filmed, and very pretty. The only thing is that everything seems to be build up with no release. I would say the only two real points where the build up is justified are the docks scene, and the burning building scene. The rest - the creepy noises, the low-pitched humming, etc etc, builds up to nothing, leaving you not very scared at all.

The dream sequences are just plain crazy, basically. They're all very weird and yet often quite pretty, like Jeanne's little paintings etc in her sketchbook. However, as things slowly turn from bad to worse you can't help but feel they've brought it all upon themselves. If you let these conmen know you have more money, they will want the rest of your money. If you turn completely crazy and set things on fire etc etc, they will simply ditch you. That's just common sense. As emotionally charged as the dock scene is, it is overshadowed with a feeling that this woman is destroying her life purposefully, rather than the other men destroying it for her. I also get the feeling that the nudity and sex are there for the director, not the storyline.

When it really starts to get freaky is when Paul's visions begin to come true. I don't know about you, but nothing says 'run very far away' to me like the sight of a wild gang of children stringing a man up and pelting you with his teeth, catching another man in a trap and burying him alive, and generally following you like a little horde of cannibals. Seriously, what where they thinking? Run the hell away!

Still, even with the build-up, the ending was a little far-fetched, I think. It was a fantasy, not a real story. Yes, it's true that you could explain all this away with psychological readings, but for many reasons I don't buy it. Why kill him and not her? Why allow the children to kill him? Why become one of them instead of actually looking for your son? While it seems that she was deranged, she always realised before that the children were not Joshua, so why should it be possible for her to imagine that several hundred children are all the same boy? Mm, not really all that scary a film thanks to this sort of thing. You find yourself wondering where the hell this is going instead of actually feeling scared.

So-so, in the end, but with wonderful filming and beautiful scenes. Which is sad, because it means it could have been so much better. Anyway, I guess it was nice to see Beart doing something else, since Manon des Sources and the Three Musketeers movie. 2.5/5

Wrong Turn, Wrong Turn 2: Dead End

Wrong Turn special! Courtesy of Film4.

#1 - WRONG TURN

Stars - Desmond Harrington, Eliza Dushku, Emmanuelle Chriqui

Director - Rob Schmidt

Memorable Quote - 'We are never going into the woods again!'

Review - First of all, being a fan of both Dexter and Buffy, it was a little weird to see Quinn and Faith teaming up. However, it's pretty accurate that those two would survive, and weird coincidences abound - most notably Harrington's character's names: Joey Quinn and Chris Flynn. Typecasting at its best. So, onto the plot of this movie. It was quite predictable, in that you knew who would die when and who would survive - it pretty much played it safe by the horror movie rules. Interesting concept since it was all justified at the beginning, although even in the realms of cinema they were stretching credibility a bit by having one of the cannibals alive at the end. It was actually almost comic as they kept fighting the three in the cabin, only to have one of them get back up every time they thought they had finished another off, and it went on just long enough - longer would have become tedious. Lots of good action scenes and all that, very good in that sense also, although they had the traditional 'you deserve to die for being so stupid' moment - sitting there in the car watching someone get shot with arrows right in front of them and not figuring that therefore the arrows can also reach them. The 'shred of hope destroyed' device was well employed in the escape along the ridge, the watchtower scene, and the arrival of the police officer. All in all, not a bad little horror movie, with just enough gore and ridiculousness to stop it being actually terrifying. 4/5

#2 - WRONG TURN 2: DEAD END

Stars - Erica Leerhson, Henry Rollins, Texas Battle, Matthew Currie Holmes

Director - Joe Lynch

Memorable Quote - 'WHAT IS THAT?'

Review - Okay so whoever decided to put Henry Rollins in a horror movie was an ABSOLUTE GENIUS. Seriously, they deserve cred. Throughout the entire thing you're just waiting to see what awesome thing he might do next! Whether blowing things up, quipping, or escaping from being tied upside down even after being stabbed three or four times, he makes the movie. This was also less predictable than the first one: I would have guessed that Rollins and Mara would have survived, being the Marine and the girl who needs to believe in herself more, but no; Token black guy actually survived for once, as did alt girl with an attitude! Hooray for minorities! It also explains a lot more about the mutants, for example the fact that they do actually live in families (I always wondered how the first three would have survived anyway, being single males), and who their father was. I knew there was something off about that guy when he first popped up talking to Desmond Harrington. It was also quite interesting to have it in the format of a reality TV show, which actually made it seem more likely to happen, more real. You can't argue with a plot device that does that. My gripe with this movie would be the hardiness of the mutants - since Wrong Turn 1 they have become even tougher, and the whole clicking-bones-back-in was used a bit too much and a bit too easily, if you ask me. Just once, I'd like to see one of those things actually die first time round, like you would expect. Although to be fair many of them did succumb to the Rollinator. Finally, the meat grinder scene at the end there was really quite epic, and the treatment of the contestants went much further than the first movie - when alt girl was tied to a chair with barbed wire being a great example of this. Actually, that scene reminded me a bit of the table scene in Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning... When will those gutsy females learn to keep their mouths shut and get out a little more unscathed, hmm? Perhaps we'll be seeing another Wrong Turn movie, as hinted by the baby at the end; I certainly wouldn't object to seeing another. Also a 4/5. Bonus Rollins:

Bounty Hunter, War, Avatar

A raft of modern movies! Featuring the year's most talked about - Avatar.

#1 - BOUNTY HUNTER

Stars - Gerard Butler, Jennifer Aniston, Christine Baranski

Director - Andy Tennant

Memorable Quote - 'Life is making mistakes.'

Review - The most exciting thing about this movie is the fact that, when I went to the theatre to see The Little Dog Laughed, I saw the premiere taking place :3 Gerard Butler is very nice in the flesh, I feel I should add. The next most important thing to say is that Christine Baranski freaks me the hell out. I can't really explain it, but JESUS. Anyway, this is quite a good little romcom, but I wouldn't go in expecting anything serious or mentally challenging. It's all very easy and predictable, which isn't always a bad thing. Plus, you get to look at Gerard Butler/Jennifer Aniston all the way through (fill out your preference)! All in all, not bad. Worth watching again? Maybe not. But would I watch it again if it was on TV at Christmas? Yes, probably. 3/5

#2 - WAR

Stars - Jet Li, Jason Statham

Director - Phillip G. Atwell

Memorable Quote - 'Tom Lone is dead. My name is Rogue.'

Review - So, Jet Li's pretty cool, right? All the same, that didn't stop this from being really quite a dumb movie, considering how clever it tried to be. I was able to predict the 'shock twist' after the explosion scene, so they didn't really disguise their plot intentions very well, and in the end it was hard to believe anyway. It was one simple point that ruined the concept: Statham's character commented on the fact that Jet Li's eyes were just like Rogue's, and that's how he recognised them. Well, I'm sorry, but if this guy was supposed to be his best friend and partner, someone eh looked at every day, he would not have made the mistake. Basically what he was saying was, 'You're Asian, so you must be Rogue.' The film then has two choices - either it's dumb, or racist. I'm willing to bet the director would rather be seen as dumb. Fight scenes were good but boring, since you've seen them all before in every Hollywood movie starring Jet Li or Jackie Chan ever. Lastly, from what I've read and the fact that the casts are pretty similar, I would say don't bother with this if you're going to watch The Expendables. You might find you've watched a very similar movie. 2/5

#3 - AVATAR












Stars - Zoe Saldana, Sam Worthington, Sigourney Weaver, Michelle Rodriguez

Director - James Cameron

Memorable Quote - 'And we will show the Sky People... that they can not take whatever they want! And that this... this is our land!'

Review - So, let's just say this now: If I hate Avatar, then it will look as if I'm trying to be hip and cool, since all movie critics hate Avatar. If I love Avatar, I must be naive and a bad critic, since only members of the public love Avatar. But you know what? Screw it, let's get an unbiased review going here. First of all, I did not see this in 3D, but the graphics are certainly very beautiful. The storyline is tolerable, so long as you don't dig too deeply in your thinking about it. This is a light entertainment movie, and I think in that sense that people have been taking it too seriously. On the other hand, when you look at the other recent big disappointments, such as the last Indiana Jones, you will see that the one thing people can't stand is rules that don't work even in the movieverse. For example, the "blue monkeys" fire their weapons at the helicopters while the first attack is happening, and they are ineffectual. However, as if by magic, by the time of the second battle they suddenly have weapons strong enough to pierce the glass and go all the way through the pilots. Right, okay. Also, why on earth would we take a helicopter design that works perfectly well, and in the future, change it to something resembling a Da Vinci drawing? Why is it taken for granted that, while the Na'vi cannot tame those huge birds, a human is always going to be inherently stronger than the natives and able to do such a thing? Surely his Na'vi DNA would be weaker due to the watering down with human cells! And how cruel a message to give to an audience, that if you are in a wheelchair you can only be happy if you manage to escape to a different world and get a new body! There are so many flaws with this that the beautiful CGI work is ignored in favour of rampant criticism, something that only Cameron can be to blame for. I mean, who the hell thought it was a good plan to call something 'unobtainium'? Seriously? If you want to use ridiculous names and ridiculous concepts, make a kid's movie. It won't wash with a mature audience. 3/5

Anastasia, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, 44 Inch Chest

Bit of Disney this time, more to come as well!

#1 - ANASTASIA




















Stars - Meg Ryan, John Cusack, Kelsey Grammer, Christopher Lloyd, Hank Azaria

Director - Don Bluth, Gary Goldman

Memorable Quote - 'Oh sure, blame the bat. What the heck? We're easy targets.'

Review - This is a rewatch, of course! I don't know, suddenly I decided I wanted to relive all those old Disney childhood memories. I started off with Beauty and the Beast, but actually the animation in that was so horrible I actually gave up. It was better when I first watched it, I'm sure. ANYWAY, Ania herself was a good Disney heroine - strong, feisty, but not too proud to turn away her true love when she found him. So what if you're the lost princess to a bygone dynasty? When you've got to marry the kitchen boy, just marry the kitchen boy! Dmitry's animation grated on me a little, though - he wasn't really attractive, and appeared to move in a way that was less natural than the other characters. Star of the show, though? Bartok the bat. 3/5

#2 - THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME



















Stars - Tony Jay, Tom Hulce, Kevin Kline, Demi Moore

Director - Gary Trousdale and Kirk Wise

Memorable Quote - 'All my life, you have told me that the world is a dark, cruel place. But now I see that the only thing dark and cruel about it is people like you...'

Review - I would begin this review with saying that this is a rewatch, but I honestly can't remember seeing it before. I looked at one of those "Disney hidden messages" things and ended up having to watch the entire movie just to see if I had seen it, and I'm still none the wiser. Still, at least now I can review it from a more adult perspective than I would have done. Basically, this is a cruel story about how a hunchback was imprisoned for his early life, then when he finally met someone who accepted him, she led him on when all along she was planning to seduce the powerful, handsome commander of the guard. WHAT A TERRIBLE THING TO SHOW TO CHILDREN. Particularly disabled ones. Anyway, good dramatic stuff, alright songs, so I suppose a good Disney move. Just cruel. 2/5

#3 - 44 INCH CHEST

Stars - Ray Winstone, Ian McShane, John Hurt, Tom Wilkinson

Director - Malcolm Venville

Memorable Quote - Just... no.

Review - Good points: John Hurt was very funny. His dialogue was great. Ian McShane was also quite funny. Bad points: The others were not funny. The dialogue for everyone else was forced and too try-hard. Ian McShane was simply playing a gay version of his character from Deadwood. You know, when I saw the trailer for this I didn't think it looked very good, and although it made me laugh a couple of times it's not an experience I would like to repeat. The storyline was ridiculous and frankly I had no sympathy for anyone. I did not care if his wife had left him. When he started hallucinating I actually switched off for a while. What was the point of the whole thing, just to show off that the director can use gritty characters or something? To try and get into the Guiness Book of World Records for most unnecessary swearing? Ridiculous waste of everyone's time. 2/5

Dot The I

Since I'm watching it online, you have the fantastic luxury of seeing my thoughts unfolding as I write this review every time the film starts buffering. Hurray for technology! Warning, though - longer than usual due to the immediacy. That's also why this is a one-film post.

#1 - DOT THE I
















Stars - Gael Garcia Bernal, Natalia Verbeke, James D'Arcy, Tom Hardy, Charlie Cox

Director - Matthew Parkhill

Memorable Quote - Kit: 'Life is not a movie.'
Theo: '... Yes it is.'

Review - Wahey, another Bernal movie! It's about time, it's been months since I last watched one. Anyway, this is what you might call a typical Bernal - very European, quite different to your average Hollywood film, and edging somewhere on the line between cute and creepy. I don't think we need to discuss Bernal's performance - all you have to do is look at my other reviews to know that I think he's wonderful. To the other characters, then - Carmen is believably fiery without seeming too contrived, which is always a good thing, and she always has great disheveled hair and make-up, so props to the people in charge of that. Cox and Hardy provide real stand-out moments of humour that had me actually laughing out loud, and though their parts were smaller they were in danger of stealing the show. The only performance I have less faith in is that of D'Arcy - usually a good bet, but here his love for Carmen felt fake and most of his lines sounded scripted, which an actor should be able to hide. Although there IS a reason for that, I think it could have been more subtly done. Perhaps it was subtle, and I'm just a critic! Anyway, the tiny flashbacks throughout the film were intriguing, and were the most part of the reason for me calling it 'creepy' - something about the noise of that cut just made me think of Saw or some kind of thriller. The little bits of humour were needed to stop it being too heavy, and while the line I've put above is the most memorable, perhaps the best line was 'Double glazing. It's a bitch.' Biggest 'ooh' moment had to be when Barnaby appeared at the window, watching Kit and Carmen, and also I have to say I would have chosen Kit too. But then the biggest 'GASP' moment came with the line, 'I lied to you.' But I have to say, I did guess the second-to-last twist (though not the very final one) about halfway through. It did not, however, tarnish my experience.

And the shooting style, too! All those cut-in anonymous video recordings, as well as the hidden cameras in some of the scenes, almost reminded me of Cache (though it goes without saying that nothing compares to Haneke). I was very impressed with the direction, because at some points the actors really do seem to be playing two different people, and that could not be done unless they were directed to act in that way. The use of the flashbacks as already mentioned was not just creepy, it was clever, since each flashback was matched to a very similar scene elsewhere. The way in which each plot twist was revealed was masterful, and although I have read comments that the twists go too far, I don't personally believe that this is true. One twist is essential to having a plot (the love story element). Two twists make an interesting plot (the secret filming element). Three twists make a fascinating plot (the awards ceremony element). And four twists? Well, four twists simply screws with your head, and I like it that way (the final collaboration element and ending).

Apart from being a fantastic piece of work as a film, it is also very self-reflexive. When Bernal is asked 'Do you want to be a star?', part of you smirks - he IS a star. When they talk about putting the camera on automatic and that real filmmakers don't do that, I certainly had a little chuckle, knowing enough photographers who would say the same thing. They even have their own fictional awards ceremony! Towards the back end of the film it almost begins to drag you in so far you don't know if you're watching a film, or actually a documentary. What's more, it raises important moral concerns that are actually very relevant right now: with the release of Catfish, which claims to be real (and judging by early reviews, probably isn't), and of course with last year's backlash against The Fourth Kind, filmmakers right now need to be watching this movie and asking themselves some moral questions about where they really want to go with their work.

With all that said and done, I think adding anything would give far too much of the plot away to be considered fair. And now I want to watch it all over again to get the bits I missed first time round. Good god, I enjoyed this film. Also, BEST ENDING EVER. 5/5

The Road, Flashdance, Red Eye

An interesting mix this time. Onwards!

#1 - THE ROAD

Stars - Viggo Mortensen

Director - John Hillcoat, Kodi Smit-McPhee, John Duvall, Guy Pearce, Charlize Theron

Memorable Quote - 'I will kill anyone who touches you. Because that's my job.'

Review - Oh, Lord. It's another one of THOSE disaster movies. Much like The Mist, this comes with a genuine stupidity moment, as Viggo drags his poor kid out into the wilderness where they face death, muggings, or starvation, instead of staying in the absolute safety of a bunker. I mean, WHAT? If you really believe you MUST get to the coast, and everyone who doesn't is going to die, then hey - wait a while. Eat all that food you just found. Then when you have enough left to carry, set off, and thanks to the mortality rate there won't be as many people around to threaten you. THIS MAKES SENSE. That old bloke deserved to die, he really did. What's more, I cannot seriously believe that after all of that time of his father teaching him to be so suspicious, the kid just trusts the next person to come along. And the woman just walks out to her death, even though she suspects she is leaving her son to a terrible fate? Sigh... and this could have done so well, too. 2.5/5

#2 - FLASHDANCE




















Stars - Jennifer Beales, Michael Nouri, Kyle T. Heffner

Director - Adrian Lyne

Memorable Quote - 'When you give up your dream, you die.' OH YEAH SOUND MEDICAL ADVICE

Review - Much like Top Gun, this is a movie without a plot - simply an excuse to see a leading man and woman kiss a lot and put in some pretty pictures of planes, or in this case, dancers. Because all those thrusting hip shots were TOTALLY NECESSARY for the plot, right? Anyway, can't say as I actually think much of her dancing, either - it was all a bit repetitive, wasn't it? No longer the other dancers looked at her with scorn! Now Tina Tech, at least she could actually do some flashy movies like that jump into the splits, but Alex? She just splashed around in some water! Also, is it not more impressive that in a man's world she was managing to make a good living as a welder? Women's lib = pushed back fifty years. 2/5

#3 - RED EYE
















Stars - Cillian Murphy, Rachel MacAdams, Brian Cox, Jayma Mays

Director - Wes Craven

Memorable Quote - 'Sometimes bad things happen to good people.'

Review - Cillian Murphy CILLIAN MURPHY good God he is just awesome, isn't he? Just... relentlessly creepy at the end. Didn't think too much of the plot or the script, but the leading actors outshone both. The pen in the throat, and then the scarf, though - those were awesome. Also, Jayma Mays is just so cute - she was great as Charlie in Heroes, and in this performance too you just want to squeeze her cheeks or something. Great little part! In summary, this is a B-movie saved only by the great work of the casting department. Interesting side note - if you put 'Red Eye' into Google images, you get the above still, 300 children, and the Queen. 3/5