Friday, 15 January 2010

Paranormal Activity, Drag Me To Hell, Star Trek

Alright, getting right ahead with the second set of post-festive blogs, here are three more little snippets for your viewing pleasure.

#1 - PARANORMAL ACTIVITY



Stars - Katie Featherstone, Micah Sloat
Director - Oren Peli
Memorable Quote - 'You're NOT in control. IT is in control, and if you think you're in control, then you're being an idiot! Not a single thing you've done has helped, and I'm sorry, I don't mean to burst your bubble, but the camera hasn't helped and the stupid footprints haven't helped; do you think that thing would have left footprints if it didn't want to? No! It did it because it WANTED to! It WANTED you to find my photo, it can be anywhere, it can hear what we're saying right now...'
Review - Not gonna lie, this movie REALLY FREAKED ME OUT. A lot of people have said it isn't realistic or scary and so on, but if you stop being all haughty about and just for a few hours let yourself believe that demons might exist - then this is an awesome movie. Know why? Because it's genuine. It was shot in the director's house, the actors use their real names during the movie, and it was filmed by the male actor. And - the one rule of creating a truly scary movie - you never see the demon. In my eyes, as part of the horror genre, this gets a great big 5/5.

#2 - DRAG ME TO HELL


Stars - Justin Long, Justin Long, Justin Long
Director - Sam Raimi
Memorable Quote - 'I beat you, you old bitch!'
Review - This movie was ridiculously disappointing. Honestly, from the trailers I was looking forward to it A LOT. And what do I get for my troubles? Very hard to believe storyline, a dumb protagonist, and the most obvious twist in the entire world. It was just so BAD. I'm giving it a 2/5, and it gets one point for starring Justin Long, who I happen to find quite attractive. Just to make it worthwhile even posting about this movie, here's some more Justin Long:


#3 - STAR TREK

Stars - Zachary 'Awesome' Quinto, Chris Pine, Leonard Nimoy, Eric Bana, Simon Pegg, Anton Yelchin!!, Winona Ryder... Christ...
Director - JJ Abrams
Memorable Quote - 'Are you out of your Vulcan mind?!''
Review - Alright, I'll say this. I used to hate Star Trek. I just never saw the appeal. I'm fully in the Star Wars camp, and that's where I'm happy! And then... and then JJ Abrams comes along, a man who makes everything he touches amazing, and Zachary Quinto - ZACHARY QUINTO - is Spock. My God, I love this movie. Not only that, but the incredible cast is rounded off by a stunner of a performance by the young Anton Yelchin (who previously dazzled me in Alpha Dog, and will surely be a common sight in Hollywood in years to come). 5/5, for having the power to convert me.

Dirty Dancing, White Christmas, Dirty Harry

From now, in order to catch up with the festive season's splurge of DVDs and televised movies, I'll be posting short, three movie sum-ups, with a little less detail than usual. The bare facts, rather than a lot of unnecessary waffling! Here goes...

#1 - DIRTY DANCING

Stars - Jennifer Grey, Patrick Swayze
Director - Emile Ardolino
Memorable Quote - 'Nobody puts Baby in the corner.'
Review - An all-time classic, probably better suited to the female side of the audience, and a little creepy if you look too far into it - but hey, who's looking too far into it? Best moments include Baby and Johnny's miming to the words of a song (above) and the final dance, where Baby finally gets out of her corner (below). A great dance flick with a lot of uplifting moments, along with the more uncomfortable side of Penny's predicament. 4/5





#2 - WHITE CHRISTMAS


Stars - Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye,
Director - Michael Curtiz
Memorable Quote - 'Miss Haynes, if you're ever under a falling building and someone offers to pick you up and carry you to safety, don't think, don't pause, don't hesitate for a moment, just spit in his eye. '
Review - Quite ridiculous in the sense of a musical, but not hideously unenjoyable. A good happy ending with lots of snow is just what you need at Christmas, but it's not necessarily something I'd leap to see again. 2.5/5


#3 - DIRTY HARRY

Stars - Clint Eastwood, Andy Robinson, Reni Santoni
Director - Don Siegel
Memorable Quote - 'I know what you're thinking — "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But, being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?'
Review - Are any of Clint Eastwood's movies bad movies?! I mean really, are they? I haven't seen a bad one yet and this is no exception - the cult status it carries is there for a reason. What a great movie! I mean, how can you not love Harry Callahan, that tough-talking rule-breaking cop who in the end only does it because he wants so desperately to save someone's life? A masterpiece, 4.5/5.

Thursday, 12 November 2009

Interview with the Vampire

Dum da da dum... I've finally seen it!

Title: Interview With The Vampire

Director: Neil Jordan

Stars: Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Christian Slater, Antonio Banderas, Kirsten Dunst









Review: Having looked forward to this movie for a long time (and also being a fan of Queen of the Damned), I was not disappointed. The dry humour is perfect, the cast was selected very well, and it's quite clearly a classic.

There's not much I can really say about this movie except to fangirl on about this part and that part, although I will say that the final sequence filled me with glee. I like your style, Lestat, I said to myself. Anyway, please enjoy this selection of my favourite quotes:

Louis: Where are we?
Lestat: Where do you think, my idiot friend? We're in a nice, filthy cemetery. Does this make you happy? Is this fitting, proper enough?

Claudia: Do you know what his soul said to me, without saying a word? 'Let him go', he said 'Let him go'.

Armand: They had forgotten the first lesson, that we are to be powerful, beautiful, and without regret.
Louis: And you can teach me this?
Armand: Yes.
Louis: To be without regret?
Armand: Yes.
Louis: Then what a pair we could make. But what if it's a lesson I don't care to learn?
Armand: What do you mean?
Louis: What if all I have is my suffering, my regret?
Armand: Don't you want to lose it?
Louis: Why? So you can have that too? The heart that mourns her, her that you burnt to a cinder.
Armand: Louis, I swear that I...
Louis: Ah, but I know you did. I know. You who regrets nothing, you who feels nothing. If that's all I have left to learn, I can do that on my own.

Lestat: Perfect! Just perfect! Just burn the place! Burn everything we own! Have us sleeping in the field like cattle!
Louis: You thought you could have it all...
Lestat: Oh, shut up, Louis! Mon Dieu! Come here.

Lestat: Lord, what I wouldn't give for a drop of good old-fashioned Creole blood.
Louis: Yankees are not to your taste?
Lestat: Their democratic flavor doesn't suit my palate, Louis.

Lestat: Oh Louis, Louis. Still whining Louis. Have you heard enough? I've had to listen to that for centuries.

And finally,
Lestat: I'm going to give you the choice I never had.

Ha. Anyway, this is at least a nine point five out of ten. Now I flit away, to enjoy the pile of DVDs awaiting me.

Monday, 9 November 2009

Latest Movies, and the theatre

Beginning with some brief reviews...

1. Pal Joey (starring Frank Sinatra, Rita Hayworth)
Great old-time sing-along, though thoroughly unrealistic - that dame gives in to Joey's charm far too easy, but I guess that's why the lady is a tramp.

2. Marley and Me (starring Owen Wilson, Jennifer Aniston)
Cute dog story which is really about people, all mushy and sad at the end.

3. The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas (starring Rupert Friend, who cares who else)
Rupert Friend is really quite hot in a uniform, so sadly I couldn't much concentrate on this. I do know that a great moral was undermined by the horror-movie ending, though. Such a shame for a movie with great potential.

Aaaand then we launch into the theatre.

Went to see Sister Act at the London Palladium, starring, among others, the estimable Ian Lavender. The show was great and funny, the Spanish guy and various tramps being notable highlights. All in all a rousing singalong, 4 stars (out of five) from me.

That's your news in brief; now I must return to the numerous projects that are heaped upon me at university, hurray!

Monday, 28 September 2009

The Boat that Rocked

This movie review will be my last home-watched DVD review for quite some time! You see, I have now settled in to my flat at the University of Hertfordshire, where I will be residing for the next nine months. Provided it doesn't burn down; we've had three real fire alarms already, and I only got here on Saturday.

Anyway, down to business: I saw what was in fact a very funny film, and since I have one more DVD waiting on my shelf, I suppose I'd better get this review out of the way pretty sharpish!


Title: The Boat That Rocked

Director: Richard Curtis

Stars: Bill Nighy, Kenneth Branagh, Rhys Ifans, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Nick Frost, Tom Sturrudge, Gemma Arterton, Jack Davenport





Review: This movie is a comedy, make no bones about it. It fits into no other genre, not even that of a romcom or a sitcom; it is just pure comedy. And it succeeds in being very funny. Great dialogue and strong characters, as well as well set-up gags, keep it a laugh from beginning to end, with even the grim humour of the more serious moments. Arguably the best performance came from Kenneth Branagh's straight-laced government official, while the best running gag was that of Midnight Mark's silence.

I can only recommend this film. Though there is not much to say in terms of filming technique, the soundtrack is highly appropriate and gels well, as do the costumes and the way the boat is fitted out. The film is, so far as I can see, flawless. I give t a nine out of ten for it's genre.

Sunday, 20 September 2009

Dorian Gray

Back to normal, I think: it is time to take a different "perspective" on what has been nothing more than an "experience". And if you've already seen the movie, you know exactly what I'm hinting at. Yes, that's right; it's time for the review of...


SPOILERS BELOW!!!

Title: Dorian Gray

Director: Oliver Parker

Stars: Ben Barnes, Colin Firth, Ben Chaplin, Rachel Hurd-Wood, Rebecca Hall






Review: First point - I am a major fan of Oscar Wilde, and The Picture of Dorian Gray is my favourite novel. With this in mind, I decided that I would never be happy with the film if I expected it to follow the novel exactly, and so watched it with an open mind as to the storyline. It's a good job, too, because they changed just about everything they could get away with changing. However, I am going to review it first as a film, and then as a film adaptation.

It was shot in a way that was what we expect from this time of movie: I felt there was nothing revolutionary in the style, the tone, or even in the special effects involved with the painting. Colours were a little muted, as you'd expect, but still rich to reflect the theme of hedonism. The sound was really very quiet for a modern film, with more than one moment of utter silence as Dorian contemplated his fate or tried to get out of a difficult conversation. The ghostly whisperings and groanings of the painting were, while a bit far-fetched when taken seriously, a good metaphor for his internal torment and paranoia. The use of the flashbacks related to the attic and his grandfather's treatment of him were also skillfully intermixed with these noises, until Dorian's lie at the end - "it's just an old portrait of my grandfather" - could almost be believed.

If you were unaware completely of the original storyline, Dorian's fall from grace is well presented and understandable. His naivety is shown as he is pick-pocketed more than once in his first scene in London, and his impressionable nature is shown here too, setting the scene for how easily Lord Henry can manipulate him into practicing what he preaches. The wild nature of the parties, while in some scenes a little explicit, is a lot more tame than something you might find in, say, The Tudors, but does the job of portraying Dorian's lust and corruption. The homoerotic nature of some of the scenes is slipped in neatly, with no fuss or preamble, simply presented as a fact - which is as it should be. If Dorian can take drugs and drink and whore, it should not be any more shocking to the viewer that he can also do all those things with other men.

However, these things were not and could not have existed in the original text, for the very good reason that even the hint of them landed poor Oscar in jail. Which brings us to the important point: the film as an adaptation really rather invents itself.

Dorian was abused as a child? Ungrounded. Dorian meets Lord Henry in his first two weeks in London, at a party? False - he lived in London for an indefinite period of time and met Henry while his portrait was being painted. The time scale is much too late (and why, in wartime England, are the characters still costumed like 19th century dandies?). The scenes between Basil and Dorian are also largely unfounded - what hints are in the novel point more to a relationship between Henry and Dorian, whereas in the film Henry goes so far as to refuse Dorian's embrace. The corruption in the novel, when one really analyses it, is based on Dorian's infatuation with Henry, whereas in the movie he simply admires his philosophy. For the first half of the film I didn't understand why they should swap Henry and Basil's roles like this - but then it all became too clear. Henry's daughter is a complete fabrication. Why should Dorian fall in love again, after Sybil? This is especially confusing when Dorian stands before Sybil's grave and cries for her love, but then runs to Emily's arms - why? The finale is also difficult to swallow, with Henry in fact being the one to destroy the painting. Yes, Dorian stabs it - but this could be seen as cowardice, since the painting is already being destroyed by the flames and he has no choice. In the novel he makes his own choice to destroy the painting, and thereby take his own life - but in the film the loss of his life is simply a side-effect of the fire rather than something caused by the painting itself. It also seems that Dorian is reviled for his young looks rather than the things he has done, which in the novel is again not the case; he gains notoriety as the sort of person that will ruin your reputation and then leave you in the gutter with an addiction, much like Sybil feared he would.

I could go on and on for pages about the differences and incongruences, but if you really wish to understand them you could just, well, read the book. When reading a version with notes, one discovers that the overriding charm of the novel is it's subtlety. What ghastly sins does Dorian commit? Wilde never tells you explicitly - just gives you little hints, and examines Dorian's conscience and the effect it has on him in a deeper way. This trauma is not present for much of the movie. We see Dorian slide into madness, not grief - and when we see everything he does, it seems his only crime is murder. Surely the Radleys are to blame, for their own lust and deceit? Surely those present at the parties chose to be there, fully expecting what they got? Surely the blame isn't on Dorian? But this is the point - in the novel, Dorian deliberately corrupts others rather than just enjoying himself. The film fails to show this.

As an adaptation, I would give this around 5/10. But as a movie, ignoring the original context, perhaps viewing it as the novel Oscar Wilde might have written had he written it this year (for example, the inclusion of the First World War, which happened after Oscar's death), I would give it a higher rating of 9/10. It is well scripted, well acted, well shot - but only when taken out of the original novel's context.

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

A-hem

Alright, alright, alright. So clearly my original attempt at blogging failed quite miserably, mostly due to my own inability to stay focused on more than one thing for more than eight seconds before being distracted by a shiny object and then forgetting, much like that perennial forgetter, the goldfish. Or perhaps a magpie, though that would be unlucky, so two magpies at least would be required for this metaphor to work. Not that it was a metaphor; simile is closer to the mark.

I suppose I should make a brief nod to my earlier intentions by listing some of the movies I've seen in recent months, with three-word reviews:

3. The Reader - Unfair, conflicting, saddening
4. Slumdog Millionaire - Uplifting, well-shot, original
5. Open Water 2: Adrift - Stupid, ambiguous, deserved
6. Young Victoria - Rupert, costumes, Bettany
7. Australia - Melodramatic, Kidman annoying
8. Bruno - Really bloody funny
10. Cassandra's Dream - Different and good
11. The Duchess - What a bitch
12. Gone Baby Gone - Casey Affleck's gorgeous
13. Heathers - Oldie but goldie
14. The King and the Clown - Brilliant, Korean, historical
15. Revolutionary Road - Running scene corny
16. The Wrestler - Alright, I guess
17. Yes Man - Zooey Deschanel, hmm!

So now I fly away like a bird of many colours towards the open sky when the door of the cage has accidentally been left ajar because Auntie Mabel called from Scarborough. Soon enough the reviews will resume!

EDIT 18/10/11:: As this blog has become much more stable since the early days, I am currently going through the process of redoing these three-word blogs into much longer ones. They will be disappearing from this list and reappearing in the blog tags as I do so.